Many Happy Returns
…Why do people say that about birthdays? What is one returning?
I am taking advantage of this being my birthday to…do something, I guess.
SODA WARS
…as I grew up calling it. Not “pop.” Or “soft drink,” which was just what the companies called it. Anyway, one of the things that always intrigued me about the Drumpf (Trump’s father changed the original family name, I suppose to sound less Germanic) presidency (OK, the Drumpf hanging-around-the-White-House interval) was the red button on his desk to summon Diet Coke. If I win the presidency, I will summon Pepsi Zero, but I will summon it by just mentioning that to anyone who happens to stop by. They don’t have to make me a red button AS IF IT WERE A NUCLEAR LAUNCH. Anyway, if you thought someone just brought him a can of Diet Coke, you would be wrong. They had to pour it into a glass in front of him, and then hand him the glass on a silver tray. (Why not a gold tray?) This was continuing the ancient Mar-a-Lago practice, in which servers had to do the same. They also had to bring him a fresh bottle of ketchup each time, and open it in front of him so he could hear it go “pop.” It is also Mar-a-Lago practice for other diners to stand and applaud when he walks in. It makes me wish I could go there, just so I could remain seated, and use some old bottle of ketchup that hadn’t been opened in front of me. I don’t even care for ketchup much, but I would use it, on principle. However, I would like other people to stand and applaud when I walk in. I haven’t done anything to deserve it, but neither has he.
My birthday weather fit the definition of my happy place–gray, with red roses blooming nearby. When I came up with my Happy Place, I realized, You know, you’re just describing your own front porch. It’s like on The Office, when Dwight told Jim that his dream was to be assistant regional manager to the Devil in Hell. And run a bed & breakfast on the side, but that’s too much work for me.
Ooh, I just noticed I can change the type or background color on this. Intoxicating! But how will I decide? It’s not like when I was still working, and changed A Certain Person’s type color to red when she was out of the room, so the screen looked like a bloodshot eyeball, and she had to pretend she didn’t care. Or the time they left Nick 2000 messages, and he thought he had to delete each individually, not knowing he could delete them all at once. A memory I cherish, even though I wasn’t there.
See how I can’t handle even a small amount of power? Vote for me!