What? Where am I?

I am currently a 911 dispatcher in the Midwest. I have opinions, which I hope to present in a (usually) humorous manner. I feel somewhat intimidated by the pressure to appear charming and interesting on this page. And I hate scratchy glitter.

Basically, I am a frightened writer, who found another way to pay the bills for 30 years. I had to, since there’s no such thing as an adult prodigy. I have Asperger’s syndrome, or, as we like to call it today, high-functioning autism, but usually manage to appear no more than mildly eccentric. Or maybe more than mildly, I don’t know. I haven’t taken a poll on the subject. I can’t drive, I can’t wear contact lenses, and I don’t eat foods that touch on my plate. Unlike many of my kind, I am adept at sarcasm, but can have difficulty detecting it in others, so I tend to assume they’re all being sarcastic, to be on the safe side. But I’m being sincere now. Really.