Day 10: Becoming Increasingly Dangerous

by pjmcbride

After a change of browsers, here I am again!

Well, no one on the phone has been glad I’m here.

GETTING MYSELF IN TROUBLE

–A lady calling from Los Angeles assured me that she “had a right to be heard” because there is more crime in Evansville than there is in L.A. I was somehow supposed to deal with the fact that her daughter had decided to live here.

–A guy reported seeing someone with an assault rifle walking down the street. (Based on previous experience, I bet it was actually an umbrella.) He would not give the name of the side street the guy turned down or what direction he was walking because “That’s your job.”

–“Is your accident east or west of 41?”

–“I don’t know. I’m not from here.”

–“Well, east or west is the same no matter where you’re from.”

–“You’re so nice. So nice.”

–“Thanks.”

THIS SPACE FILLED UP WITH THIS LINE BECAUSE I SPACED DOWN TOO FAR AND DON’T KNOW HOW TO UNDO IT

Speaking of my proper responsibilities, yesterday two different officers told me, “Call the caller back and explain why we won’t be making this run.” Well, how about if you call them and explain that? I’m sure you could answer the “Why not’s?” and “What if’s?” better than I can.

I am impatiently waiting for someone to call in and say, “The police aren’t here yet, and it’s raining,” so I can tell them, “Well, I walked a mile and a half to work in the rain.” So far, no one has given me the chance.

–“Someone shot out my windshield, so I followed them to see where they were going.” What’s wrong with this picture?

OK, the media just called and asked if I was the supervisor. Rather than saying, “No, I am the force of chaos and anarchy,” I put them on hold.

–“The power just went out.”

–“You need to call Vectren for that. The weather has caused numerous outages.”

–“But the police need to come out, because the traffic lights are out!”

–“Then it should be treated as a 4-way stop. The police don’t come out to direct traffic whenever a stoplight is–…” Or you could hang up while I’m still talking because I wasn’t saying what you wanted to hear. I should have called her back and finished my sentence.

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