Free Fries and Free Time

by pjmcbride

“My emergency is that my girlfriend passed out drunk and I need someone to talk to, so that’s gonna be you.” In vain to explain to a drunk that 911 does not provide conversational services to the last one left conscious. He then called back and said, “She woke up and put her hands on me!” Officers arrived and determined no hands were placed on anyone.

THEATER OF CRUELTY CONTINUES

Efforts are now underway to tame Nick via sleep deprivation, although this tactic is controversial, and considered inhumane by some. Results are inconclusive at this point, but he has already lost all sense of time, and possibly his sense of humor.

SUPPOSE THEY GAVE A CRISIS AND NOBODY CAME

Speaking of losing track of time….

I awoke from my post-church nap and thought, “Good, there’s no reason to get up right now.” Until I eventually thought, “Wait a minute, I was scheduled to work fire my last day this week, and I certainly didn’t last night, so that must mean….” This train of thought (once it finally arrived at the station) led to getting up and putting clothes back on. Not that the long T-shirt I wore to bed wasn’t perfectly presentable.

Speaking of the length of my garments, I still have a dog bite on my leg. I can’t wear anything short, lest people think I tried to outrun a police K9, a course of action I cannot recommend.

A COMMERCIAL JUST REMINDED ME…

McDonald’s Monopoly is underway again! (YES, I FIND THIS EXCITING,  SHUT UP.) I remember when it was first introduced back in the 70’s, at a time in my life when free fries were a meaningful part of my diet. (But to put that in perspective, my rented room was $25/week.) (Shared a bathroom and kitchen with 2 other people, one of whom was an alcoholic who once defecated on the floor in front of the toilet.)

I forgot to relate this story from last year’s Monopoly {“So why are you bothering now?” they inquire querulously}–I duly bought my fish sandwich, consumed it, threw the box away, THEN REMEMBERED–I didn’t remove my game piece! Sure, it was probably a dud, but SUPPOSE IT WAS THE ONE? Since financial independence and/or free fries were at stake, I ended up rummaging through the trash, (looking guiltily around, although what was I planning to do if I had been observed? “Oh, I dropped my wedding ring in here. No, you don’t have to help me look.”) and found the glorious FREE FRIES bit of paper. Anyway, I am currently in possession of a free smoothie ticket, which I shall redeem tomorrow, if it doesn’t fall out of my billfold in the interim. And no, I don’t have to work tomorrow, why do you ask?

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