What I Did On My Vacation

by pjmcbride

…other than getting bitten by a dog, of course. That’s more of an adventure than I usually want to have.

ADVENTURES AT MCDONALDS

This actually took place before the dog-bite episode, but the latter kind of drove it out of my mind.

I was sitting near the back door, eating and minding my own business (eating fish, in all likelihood, it still being Lent), when a scruffy-looking guy wearing Carhartt-type overalls and nothing else came charging in. He stomped over to a table where an elderly couple was eating and yelled, “DON’T YOU KNOW WHY WE HAVE *$@%! REAR-VIEW MIRRORS?!! YOU ALMOST HIT A HOMELESS PERSON!” {I suspect he meant himself.} Pointing at elderly man–“F@CK YOU!” Pointing at elderly woman–“AND F@CK YOU! GO KILL YOURSELVES!!!” He then charged back out the door. A moment later, apparently unsatisfied with his previous performance, he came back in again and addressed the room at large. “DO YOU SEE THOSE PEOPLE? THEY ALMOST HIT 2 HOMELESS PEOPLE IN THE PARKING LOT!! WHY DO YOU THINK WE HAVE REAR-VIEW MIRRORS?! F@CK THEM!! THEY SHOULD KILL THEMSELVES!!” Having delivered himself of this speech, he left again. (Suicide note: “Dear world, I’m killing myself because some guy at lunch told me I should.”)

Once he was safely gone, a young man came over to the old couple, asked them if they were OK, said that the guy should have respected his elders (you know you’re old when someone says that to you), and said, “My dad over there was getting his knife out!” (Situation ESCALATE in 3…2…1…) There followed intense discussion about whether management was going to call the police. I waited breathlessly for the police to arrive, but they never did, so I guess the answer was no. The manager did mention that wearing overalls and no shirt still qualifies as No Shirt, No Service. I hate to think of what that guy would have done if he’d been refused service on top of nearly being killed in the parking lot.

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