It’s Not Easy Being Green

by pjmcbride

…because I don’t have green underwear or socks, so I can’t have a completely green outfit like I could if it were black, brown, or blue.

NO ONE LOOKED AT THIS BLOG TODAY, AND I DON’T CARE BECAUSE I’M DRUNK.

As you should be able to tell, I’m on vacation.

(time to get more ale..)

WHY WON’T THIS COMPUTER COOPERATE WITH MY DESIRED PUNCTUATION??!!!!!

Did you know it’s fun being drunk? Nick, you should try it sometime. I’d pay good money. Which is the only kind I have.

SPEAKING OF WHICH…

I heard a loud crash, and headed for my bathroom. In which I saw…

A beast laying waste to my toilet paper. Now, Nick is normally not allowed in my bathroom because, well, because he fills the whole space. As it was, his tail was in the hall.

“STOP THAT AT ONCE!” I said, in what I hoped was a commanding tone.

“Why?” he said. “What do you care?” He grabbed the towel and yanked it onto the floor.

I approached him, but, considering he was growling as he shook his head with the towel in his mouth, like a dog with a stick, I decided against that whole approach thing.

“Do you care if I live or die?” he demanded (in a somewhat muffled tone, since he hadn’t dropped the towel). “You haven’t been here in…oh, I don’t know how long.” (He can’t actually count.)

“Well, I’ve been…”

“Busy?” he asked, dropping the towel and looking up with jewel-like eyes. “Yeah, I’ve heard that before.”

I remembered the User’s Manual–“These intelligent beasts require constant supervision, or they will become destructive.”

“I require constant supervision, you know,” he said, glaring at me. I wished I hadn’t let him read the User’s Manual.

“You require a swat on the rump,” I said, but I knew better than to attempt such a swat, because of his full-body armor of scales.

“Yeah, that’s what they all say. And yet I remain unswatted.”

“Here, have a Reese cup.” At least he’s easily bribed.

He caught it easily out of the air (thanks to his long, flexible neck). “Hmm. Have any more?”

“Only if you behave.”

“That’s what they always say. Ugh…fine.”

And so we were back to normal, for the time being, at least.

THAT IS PRETTY GOOD FOR A STORY, CONSIDERING HOW DRUNK I AM, RIGHT?

Right.

 

 

 

 

 

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