Stephen Colbert Ripped Me Off!

by pjmcbride

On his new show, Colbert has a routine where he wears a big fuzzy hat (like Genghis Khan), which endows him with limitless power, and he makes decrees. Well, my 19 faithful readers will immediately recognize this as an appropriation of my World Leader Edicts, which I, of course, was inspired by/stole from R.E.M., but I don’t need a fuzzy hat to make my pronouncements. Seriously, Colbert’s show is excellent, and you should all watch it. It goes without saying, as we say, that CBS did not pay me for this endorsement.

THE WORLD’S MOST DISGUSTING FOOD 

Courtesy of A Certain Person, I bring you (well, no, I don’t, and won’t):

******BRAINS

*********AND EGGS

***********WITH MILK GRAVY

***************IN A CAN

As A.C.P. said, “Why am I not sitting in a puddle of vomit as I type this?”

SPEAKING OF MY DIGESTIVE SYSTEM…

{…because when life hands you a segue, you gotta take it}…

I am going to do something I promised you I’d never do.

WORLD LEADER COLONOSCOPY REPORT!!

Don’t worry, I won’t include anything that’s actually gross. {“How can we trust you now?” they whimper. “You promised you’d never bring up the subject in the first place!” Think of it as my penance for my habitual neglect of my faithful FanBase. Or think of it as misery loving company. Your choice.) The only thing I have to report right now is that they sent me a brochure to the effect of “You’ll love our new anesthetic!” Yes, I’m sure I will.

SPEAKING OF SEGUES…

…and penance, Nick’s latest trick is to try and tell me that going on a ridealong with him would be dull and boring. But I’m not falling for it. For (borrowing from R.E.M. yet again) there is nothing more dangerous than a follower of chaos who is not out of control.

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