End of an Era

by pjmcbride

Well, I feel relegated to the dust heap of history after watching Jon Stewart last night–all the late-night talk show hosts of my generation have now retired. Of course, I remember Johnny Carson retiring, so there you go. And hey–Stephen Colbert will be starting his new show! OK, I’ve been rejuvenated. Or at least reconstituted. Add Water and Stir.

CRISIS IN PROGRESS/IRONY IN ACTION

“I think this guy is drunk. He’s on a bicycle, has a t-shirt on that says ‘Stand Tall.’ He’s leaning. Oh, he just fell down.”

THE REAL STORY…

…WHAT THE CALLER SAID:

“I need a sergeant out here IMMEDIATELY. My son told me a police car pulled up in our driveway, a cop took our puppy out of the yard, and they drove off with it. The little rookies they have running around out here are idiots!” (I told her she wasn’t getting anyone “immediately” because the call was not an emergency. She said, “It’s not an emergency?! They stole my puppy!”)

…WHAT REALLY HAPPENED:

–The officers found the puppy wandering in the street without a collar or tags, picked it up and took it to Animal Control, not knowing who the owner was.

NEWS FLASH

On my walk home, a truckload of teenagers yelled, “HEY GRANDMA! FUCK YOU!” I gave them the finger (because that’s how good a Christian I am). They were delighted. So now I look obviously old even in the dark. (Although you’d think my jersey, chinos, and long hair would have bought me some slack.) No wonder Hardee’s gives me the senior discount without asking.

VOTE CTHULHU FOR PRESIDENT! Don’t settle for the lesser evil!

 

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