Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen

by pjmcbride

…as usual.

THIS JUST IN

Fiona and Archer insisted on telling me the story of their birth. According to these two reliable sources (who are, after all, only 3 years past that event), Fiona kicked Archer out of the womb, and then he pulled her out.

PRODUCT REVIEWS

The Ski pie at Marx BBQ has a weird undertaste. Of course, I am only an occasional consumer of Ski, so don’t take my word for it.

DEFYING GENDER EXPECTATIONS AT TACO BELL

Rom recommended that I try their Triple Steak Stack, because I am carnivorous by nature. I thought it sounded good, but then I saw the commercial, which advises guys not to define their manhood by whether they use Axe/Old Spice body spray, or are The Most Interesting Man in the World, but by whether they eat the Triple Steak Stack. I was afraid Taco Bell would not allow me to eat said entrée–in the manner that some primitive tribes don’t allow their women to touch certain objects–but they did agree to take my money. And I did indeed like the item, so there. Although I was unnerved by the fact that the wrapper said “DO NOT MICROWAVE” all over the inside. Of course, considering the time it took them to serve me, they were probably building a fire to cook it over. Anyway, I ended up destroying my manly credentials by deciding the whole thing was just too messy, and cutting it up with a knife and fork.

LENT IS HARD

I decided to give up desserts for Lent. The other day at work, the Birdman offered me an ice cream bar, and I forgot it was Lent and took it. And then remembered, and ate it anyway.

NICK AND I HAVE TRUST ISSUES

For some reason, Nick is under the impression that I am plotting his death. I assured him that, if he fell into my hands, he would be treated with the utmost CARE and CONCERN. Personalized attention. He responded, “I’m pretty sure I’d knock you over if I fell into your hands.” I reported this to Rom, who said, “Well, I wouldn’t say you’re the best candidate for doing one of those trust falls.”

YOU KNOW YOU MADE BAD LIFE CHOICES WHEN…

…the photo with your obituary is a mug shot.

 

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