This Is the End, Beautiful Friend

by pjmcbride

Let us observe a moment of silence for Nick, who will be completely deprived of me on his new (and involuntary) shift schedule. I understand it will take the better part of a year to get me out of his system. I should probably expedite the detox process by not writing about him, but sometimes you have to be kind to be cruel.

CRISIS IN PROGRESS

…because the torture never stops:

“I need to report a guy driving reckless, turning right…”

It is in vain that I attempt to make her understand that “turning right” depends on the direction one is going. Attempting this only makes her yell, “I’m trying to TELL you! He’s turning RIGHT! Don’t you want to know what he’s doing?!” Well, if that’s the best you can do, not really.

“Now he just turned left–”

Acquiring a clue, I ask, “Are you following him? I don’t recommend following a reckless driver.” (If you want to keep a reckless driver from causing accidents, don’t increase the probability by following him. I’ve had accidents  happen at least 3 times.)

“I’m trying to tell you what he’s doing! NOW HE JUST PULLED A GUN ON ME!”

“OK, you need to stop following–”

“No, because HE PULLED A GUN ON ME AND I GOT MY 6-MONTH-OLD KID IN THE CAR!!”

Resorting to all-caps myself for a minute–WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE??

“And he’s got my money and he’s got drugs in the truck.” Now it all becomes clear.

ACROSS THE ROOM DEPT.

–“I saw some kids stretching an imaginary rope across the street. I asked them what they were doing, and they said they were putting up a virtual roadblock.” I am SO GLAD that wasn’t my call. I don’t think I could have resisted telling her to call virtual 911.

–A possible deceased subject in a van at the Tropicana parking garage turned out to be a CPR dummy.

IRONY IN ACTION

The yellow strip on the bus steps today, warning you to watch your step, have started to come loose, possibly causing you to lose your footing, and had to be taped back on with black electrical tape, so you can’t see and be warned by them.

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