Unwept, Unhonored, Unsung, Etc.
SOMETHING TO KEEP IN MIND
When you start a call with “Do you think I’m paranoid? I’m not paranoid!” do not follow it up with an account of the cameras around your house.
OVERHEARD FROM ACROSS THE ROOM
“So you didn’t call the police as soon as you saw a strange naked man in your bedroom?”
“Ma’am, people are allowed to ride the bus. It’s public transportation.”
WHY PEOPLE SHOULDN’T DRINK
A Certain Person was recently invoking the specter (or, if you’re reading this in England, spectre) of the old F.O.P. Club (or, if you’re reading this in England, Ye Olde F.O.P. Club). I said awayz back that I should dredge up some of those stories from the mid-90’s…
BROUGHT TO YOU BY 25-CENT BEER, AND ORANGE JUICE WITH EVER-INCREASING AMOUNTS OF RUM
DEDICATED TO ANYONE WHO THINKS I WOULDN’T BE ANY FUN AT PARTIES
–WHY THE CLUB HAD NO WINDOWS–
–Officer J.K. (no longer with the department, so stop guessing) shoved his face into a dispatcher’s birthday cake. (No, it was an actual cake, not some blues-style sexual euphemism, but still.)
–Officer L.N. showed us his third nipple.
–Officer J.E. told us a story about crying as a small child, at the instigation of A Certain Person.
–A fellow dispatcher saw me in a tank top for the first time, and asked, “Are those real?” When I answered in the affirmative, she said, “What did you do, pray?” I had not yet gotten religion at that point, so it would have been a gratuitous act of God’s mercy. (Disclaimer: I believe she was grading on a curve.) (No, the pun was not intended.) (Really.) (Seriously, anyone who thinks I would intend a pun can just leave right now.)
–I squeezed a deputy’s rump while we were waiting at the bar, and acted oblivious when he turned around.
–I rubbed some of my perfume on the collar of an officer’s leather jacket while he was out of the room. (Sorry, Charles.)
–I used the men’s restroom.
–Somebody later claimed I left the building and laid down in the middle of Louisiana Street, but I have no memory of that, so it must not have happened.
THINGS I INTENDED TO DO THERE BUT NEVER DID–
–“House of the Rising Sun” karaoke
INTERMITTENT GUILT DEPT.
Yes, I am aware that I haven’t posted since the 8th. What of it?
This will be my 300th post! Isn’t that exciting? It’s not? (Sulks.)