I’m a Tax Evader

by pjmcbride

That should get someone’s attention! By the way, I’m wearing a light green sweater and black pants. These, like most of my wardrobe, came from Lands’ End (and my sister, in this particular case). Maybe now they’ll send me free clothes! Even though I have a lifetime’s worth of clothes already. I’m running out of places to put them. When they’re not on my body, I mean. And they can’t all be on my body at once.

…ALL TYPOS, MISSPELLINGS, AND LACK OF LOGICAL COHERENCE ARE THE FAULT OF REDD’S APPLE ALE, KTHNXBYE.

Anywayz, back to my tax problems. About a week ago, in the course of rummaging for something else (church donation envelopes, I believe) (avoiding typos is getting harder, curse you, apple ale!), I came across my county tax invoice. Due Nov. 10. So I frantically wrote a check (seriously–immediately, even though it was around midnight, as if they would know when I put it in the envelope, when the mail wouldn’t be picked up until morning. Well, I mean it was technically morning, but…whatever). In case I thought they wouldn’t notice that it was a week late, they sent me an envelope addressed IN BLACK CAPITAL LETTERS, SO I’D KNOW IT WAS IMPORTANT, demanding a $7.95 late charge. So I paid my debt to society, and won’t have to go to debtors’ prison. (I always thought that was a dumb idea. How can you make money to pay your bills if you’re in jail? I guess your creditors get to stop by and laugh at you, which is as good as money, I guess.) Hey, if it was church envelopes I’d been looking for, I managed to render unto both Caesar and God at the same time! You know, the God/Mammon dichotomy…umm….I always pictured Mammon as looking like an elephant, by the way.

Why did I leave the light on in here? Don’t I know I prefer to write in the dark?

Ah. Much better.

IT CAN BE DONE

I did the traditional Black Friday at Walgreen’s (coupon for 25% off!), and didn’t trample anyone. I encountered the Tragically Hip Nikki (hope she found the 25% coupon!), and, as far as I could determine, she didn’t trample anyone either.

SEEN ON BUSCH LIGHT CARTON AT THORNTONS

“When the mountains turn blue, it’s colder than ice!” When the mountains turn blue, you’ve had too much to drink. (“Define ‘too much,'” they say. Well, after my first can of ale, I managed to embarrass Nick and annoy Rom, so my work here is done.)

SPEAKING OF MY WORK BEING DONE…

I was speaking of my (as-yet-unscheduled, so STOP SPECULATING!) retirement to Nick, and he said, “You mean your formal banishment?” To which I can only say, Takes one to know one.

I had more to say, but damned if I can remember any of it, so too damn bad. KTHNXBYE!

Oh! This post is dedicated to D., who has my icon on her homepage.

 

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