Retraction & Correction
Nick, ever eager to correct me (although that cuts both ways), pointed out that the females acclaiming his cuteness were not teenage girls, as I assumed (an action to which I am prone, even though I know what happens when you do), but women in their forties, and therefore ineligible for stud service. I shall still refer to them as the Youth of America, though, because hey, they’re younger than I am. Speaking of which, texting him while I’m walking down Broadway–who could imagine that ending badly? Luckily, I managed not to crash into anything, or get crashed into by anything else. Which brings me to…
THE LATEST CONVENIENCE-STORE REVIEW
I stopped in to the Marathon at Broadway & Barker, obtaining a fountain drink which claimed to be “Fueling the American Spirit.” (including italics)–quite a tall order (though I suspect the American Spirit is actually fueled by beer). Then I availed myself of their cootie-infested restroom, with what I took to be gang-related drawings, and the sentiment “All You Need Is Captain Love.” For some reason, I suspect that is not the same as “love” in the generally-accepted sense.
REITZ HILL TOURIST ATTRACTION!
There is a giant drawing of the male genitalia, in red, with the requisite spewing fluid, on the sidewalk at Barker & Edgewood. As the old Evansville slogan says, “Feel the Pride Come Alive!” No, really. (Play on words not intended, but not retracted, either.)
WORLD LEADER EDICT OF THE DAY
–Everybody watch Weird Al’s “Word Crimes” (brought to my attention courtesy of the ever-courteous Nick). Watch it as many times as it takes.
PROVING THAT I’M ALMOST AS CUTE AS NICK
Last night, while shaving my legs with the aid of “Raspberry Rain” shave gel and an iridescent pink razor, it occurred to me–Don’t I really need My Little Pony to complete the experience?
SUMMERTIME, AND THE LIVING IS, THEORETICALLY, EASY
Note to anyone inviting me to a pool party–allow plenty of advance notice for me to buy a bathing suit. Oh, yeah, and to learn to swim.