What a Bringdown     

by pjmcbride

BUT FIRST, A WORD FROM THE FASHION POLICE

I can’t believe I included “Fashion Pointers” in my last title, and then forgot to include any. Here’s what I meant to say:

You might have thought that my outfit the other day–light blue-gray shirt, dark blue-gray pants, denim slip-on sneakers–was the result of someone who didn’t want to figure out what goes with what, and/or had some weird compulsion about matching stuff (and the two are not mutually exclusive). BUT NO! MORE magazine (motto: “You’re not getting older, you’re getting blonder!”) assures us that slip-on sneakers are THE HEIGHT OF FASHION at the moment, and recommended the “light, clean” look of matching all your clothes to your shoes! Can do! You know what else is the height of fashion? Birkenstocks. Yeah, I got those, too.

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LET’S GET HUMORLESS

I had to sit through these calls, so now you have to, too.

“My neighbor’s dog got loose, and killed my other neighbor’s cat. She’s pretty distraught.” Well, I hope she’s mostly distraught at herself, because you know how to keep that from happening? KEEP YOUR CAT INDOORS. Not. Rocket. Science. I’ve been doing it for years.

“I’ve got a dog that’s dying,  and I want Animal Control to take it away.”

I start to explain that she’s responsible for the medical care of her own dog, but–

“It’s not my dog. The owner died, and I’ve been taking care of it for 6 or 7 months.” She then starts to tell me all its pitiful symptoms, to convince me to act quickly, but I cut her off, because YOU KNOW WHAT? That dog had come to trust you to take care of it, and YOU BLEW IT. I did, of course, refer the situation to Animal Control, in the hope that something could be done for the dog.

HUMANE TREATMENT OF DISPATCHERS

You know that most-recent mass-shooting guy? (And aren’t you tired of the never-ending supply of them?) Turns out that he had been acting peculiar beforehand, so someone called the authorities to check on him. And who got to knock on his door? Four deputies…and a dispatcher in training. He acted sane enough that they had nothing to hold him on, but he’d already bought all his guns and ammo, and what if he’d come out blazing? That dispatcher’s not wearing a bulletproof vest. This should not be a job requirement for people other than law enforcement officers.

THE ABOVE STUFF DOES NOT REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE CITY, OR EVEN OF LOTS OF MY COLLEAGUES.

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