Fashion Pointers & a Sitcom Episode

by pjmcbride

GENDER DIFFERENCES FOR FUN & PROFIT

As I was walking along, I saw some children’s sidewalk chalk drawings. One block was a series of military weapons, realistically-detailed. The next block was a bunch of hearts and flowers. “But what did you, World Leader, used to draw in your childhood?” you ask. Mostly snakes and arrows, which were less weenie than hearts and flowers, but easier to draw than modern weaponry.

Speaking of which (more or less), I walked into a restroom the other day, and a little girl, in there with her mother, looked up at me and said, “There’s a man in here!” Now, I like to think my days of “I can’t tell if that’s a boy or a girl,” (as I overheard one saleslady say to another in the 70’s as I walked by in my voluminous shirt) are over, so I glared at her and said, “I’m not a man!” Yes, I argued with a five-year-old child. Well, turns out there was, indeed, a man in the stall. Apparently the men’s room was otherwise occupied. I did not have an opportunity to apologize to the little girl (“as if you would have,” I can hear Rom saying), who had already left the building.

SITCOM FODDER

Nick has been sent to a two-week taming facility. They awaken him with kicks and curses, load him down with insults and opprobrium, and drive him forth into the wilderness, where they make him dig a hole and then curl up in it. In the rain. He is sullenly defiant at this point, but I suspect being deprived of chocolate will finally break him.

And where is Sam right now, you might ask? (I know I did.) Kicking back at a beachfront resort. So I think we can tell who’s been naughty and who’s been nice here. Or, if you will, Good Cop and Bad Cop. Just picture the TV episode–Nick gnaws on grubs and wishes he could have a shower. Meanwhile, Sam sips a margarita and adjusts her bikini, wondering if she’ll be able to even out her motor-patrol one-arm tan before vacation’s over.

AND SOMETHING I HADN’T EVEN THOUGHT OF

…believe it or not–VIDEO TO 911, COMING EVENTUALLY AND RELENTLESSLY, ETC.

–Is there any way we will not get pictures of pranksters’ penises? Job description: “The position requires looking at numerous penises.”

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