I’m Posting Drunk

by pjmcbride

This post is brought to you by Redd’s Apple Ale, and Rom who gave it to me. I am trying hard not to screw up, but I already hit “Edit” once by mistake. Well, actually I’d made a mistake, so I guess Edit was the right thing to do, but I decided not to.

THINGS YOU MIGHT NEED AT SHORT NOTICE

I was at Phillips today on the way to work, and since the line was kinda long, courtesy of someone who decided at the last minute that she needed too many lottery tickets, I had time to look at all the stuff they had by the cash register, that you might decide you needed at the last minute.

–dandruff shampoo. This was the only kind of shampoo they had. I guess you’d only decide you needed shampoo on short notice if you had dandruff.

–now, condoms and 5-hour energy drinks, those make sense. But then you decide you need…

–nail polish remover. OMG, I just noticed a chip! Better fix it before I meet the guy I bought these condoms for!

–candles! Really? Condoms and 5-hour energy by candlelight. Maybe by candlelight, he can’t see my chipped nail polish!

HOW DO OFFICERS DECIDE WHICH ONE OF THEM MOVES THE TRASHCAN OUT OF THE ROAD THAT THE WIND BLEW THERE?

–the one who’s not driving. This info courtesy of Sam.

Dear Nick, I wish I was at game night right now. I wouldn’t have done any worse. Well, maybe I would have been twice as bad. I’ve had twice as much to drink. But if you can’t play a card game to begin with, I guess playing it drunk would be about the same. You’re now thinking, this is why I never drink. It makes you stupid.

I SURVIVED THE STORM TONIGHT

I meant to hit boldface instead of italic, but this will just have to do. Anyway, the storm was not that bad.

I finished that next bottle of ale, and that means it’s time to take a shower, kthnxbye.

 

 

 

 

 

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