Beyond Shame or Dignity

by pjmcbride

English: A banana peel lies on a seat at a bus...

English: A banana peel lies on a seat at a bus stop, in London. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“I have no pride. Pride is a weakness the wretched attempt to exploit.” –Nick

Elegantly put, to be sure, but I have reason to believe he’s lying. However, he is remarkably hard to embarrass, and therefore hard to blackmail. Back to the drawing board….This criminal mastermind business is more difficult than you’d think. By the way, today is St Nicholas Day, but don’t send Nick any lumps of coal, as he will only attempt to eat them. As for switches, I’m sure his owner has a good supply. In fact, she probably ran out to get some before the blizzard hit. Which brings me to….

YOUR SCRATCHY GLITTER GUIDE TO SNOW AND ICE

–Think of some way to describe the situation other than “a solid sheet of ice.” That’s what everyone says. It’s like a damaged pole, which is always “sheared off.” Or reckless drivers, who are always “all over the road.”

–This should be self-evident, but…Why do pedestrians such as myself walk in the traffic lane when it’s snowy? BECAUSE NO ONE TREATS THE SIDEWALKS, and very few people shovel theirs, since pedestrians are mythical. In fact, the snow is often piled up even higher on the sidewalks, if snowplows have been by. I move over as far as I can, but I’m not going to thrash my way through deep snow on the sidewalk when the street is more or less clear.

–And, speaking of shoveling, this is not self-evident: If you do shovel, please also salt if you can. If the sun comes out, the remaining little bit of snow melts, then re-freezes when the sun goes down, leaving, you guessed it, a S. S OF ICE on the cleared pavement.

–There is nothing worse than a snowy street, treated or otherwise, that’s been packed down by numerous cars until it’s slick as a cartoon banana peel, but there’s nothing to be done about that, except stay home. Which brings us to…

WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE ANYWAY?

I know why I’m out–I work at 911. Your errand should be of equal importance. If it’s not, stay home. Don’t catch up with your Christmas shopping, until the snow has stopped and the roads are somewhat under control.

Aren’t I lecturey? I should have posted this on Facebook for all 66, I think, of my Facebook friends. Hey, it’s not a popularity contest! Oh, wait, it is.

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