I’m Doing This Instead of Training

by pjmcbride

This month’s training material is called “Don’t Take It Personally.” Is it just me, or does that make you want to take it personally right out of the gate?

When a co-worker says the run he just entered is “the best complaint ever,” one is skeptical–that bar is set mighty high. Especially since this particular co-worker hasn’t been here very long, and wouldn’t remember the glorious complaints of ages past. (Actually, I think they’ve improved in quantity and quality over the years.) But it’s hard to beat “customer is complaining about cars loitering on the lot of Thorntons.” IT’S A GAS STATION!!

A CALL-TAKING TECHNIQUE THAT NEVER WORKS, BUT YOU HAVE TO TRY IT ANYWAY…

–Repeating back what someone said, in the hope they’ll realize just how silly it is. This is invariably a vain hope. For example, the very co-worker mentioned above (who shall be known as T.O. 2, because we already have a T.O.) said, “You’re calling to report people standing on a public street? And that they have a baby outside in 60-degree weather?” Wouldn’t you think the caller would say, “Well, when you put it that way…” But they never do. Hope springs eternal, however.

SOMETHING ELSE THAT NEVER WORKS….

A woman got arrested recently because she was causing trouble and the police were called. The  officer offered her a ride, to get her out of the situation, and she slapped him, because she “was frustrated.” As Rom said, it’s the only sensible response when someone offers you a ride. I have been given rides by many officers over the years, and I’ve managed not to slap any of them, no matter how frustrated I was.

…turning to training material at last…

“Unsupervised team building can create a counter-culture that is divisive and disheartening.” I’m disheartened already! “Unsupervised team-building”? It’s a cute way to put it, to be sure, but are they implying that supervisors should be controlling our interpersonal relations? (I mean, other than just being sure we don’t hit each other.) It reminds me of a Previous Administration, in which They decided that letting us choose who to sit next to at work was, well, disheartening, and therefore They assigned seats. That, in fact, was the original reason for each function being assigned to a specific console. (I just realized–there are so many people here who don’t remember what I’m talking about–I could just make stuff up!) (Do you remember when personal days required only 24 hours’ notice, not 48?) (No, I didn’ t make that up.)

FURTHER FRIVOLOUS OBSERVATIONS ON THE TRAINING MATERIAL

–Did you know that the expression “It’s your turn in the barrel” was originally the punchline of a dirty joke? Consult Rom for details, because I’m terrible at joke-telling.

–“Overall, the answer to ‘Why me?’ boils down to ‘Because it’s your turn today; it will be someone else’s turn tomorrow.'” No, the answer to “Why me?” boils down to “Why not?”

AND I FINISH UP WITH…

The last question on the test was, “How can you improve in not taking things personally?” I am trying…trying so hard…not to write, “By not answering these personal questions!”

Advertisements