5 Minutes of Fame on the Bus

by pjmcbride

For some reason, my co-workers always think it’s cute when I cuss. Well, if you think that’s cute, picture this:

I was getting on the bus, and 2 people getting on ahead of me were greeted effusively by a black woman a little younger than myself. I figured, obviously, that they knew each other and hadn’t seen each other for a long time. Well, once I got into my seat, this same woman turned to me and yelled, “I LOVE THIS WOMAN!! SHE RIDES THE BUS ALL THE TIME! SHE ANSWERS THE PHONE WHEN YOU NEED THE POLICE!!  SHE SAVES LIVES!!!” Now, for someone I don’t recognize to recognize me is no big deal, since I tend to avoid eye contact, and can’t remember faces very well anyway. (“I don’t often make eye contact, but when I do, I still can’t remember who you are.”) (I still remember the first time I saw Nick in uniform. He’d come in to bring us food, and I turned to him and asked politely, “And you would be…?” “The guy you’ve just been exchanging messages with?” he answered, bewildered. I hadn’t recognized him with his police hat on, obscuring his distinctive hairline.) But she then THROWS HER ARMS AROUND ME. Now, that is something many people have taken years to work up the nerve to do. She’s hugging me madly, while I’m clinging to the pole next to my seat with both hands. I’ve never been so glad to get off a bus in my life. Well, maybe the time near Central High School when a bunch of teenagers in the back of the bus kept telling me I was ugly. At least this lady was nice.

COURTESY OF A.J.: IF ORDERING FAST FOOD WAS LIKE ANSWERING 911

“McDonald’s, may I take your order, please?”

“FOOD! I NEED FOOD!”

“What would you like to order?”

“FOOD! I NEED IT NOW!”

“But what kind of food?”

“I NEED FOOD OR I’LL DIE! DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND? WHY HAVEN’T YOU GIVEN ME ANY FOOD YET?”

“Because you haven’t ordered any.”

“I DON’T NEED YOUR ATTITUDE! YOU’RE HERE TO GIVE ME FOOD! I’LL TELL THE MEDIA!”

“But what would you like to eat?”

“CAN’T YOU FIGURE IT OUT? I CAME IN HERE LAST WEEK, YOU SHOULD HAVE IT ON RECORD!”

Etc.

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