Crisis in Progress: Selected Short Subjects
Note on a run card: “Suspect not on scene, possibly enroute to an unknown location.” Well, yeah. Unless they already arrived at the unknown location. Everybody’s gotta be somewhere.
Question asked on a call: “What does ‘acting a fool’ mean?” Supervisor’s response from across the room: “How do they know it’s an act?”
The person actin’ a fool has just been accused of clownin’ in a subsequent call.
Overheard on a call: “The one with the mop is the one causing problems?” Well, obviously! And was it a yarn mop or a sponge mop? It’s like “armed with a bat.” What kind of bat? A vampire bat?
“This guy is drunk, hitting the wall, and playing loud music. His name is Richard, but they call him Elvis.” Hmm. They call me Cher, by the way.
Richard a/k/a Elvis turned out to be an unclothed individual sitting cross-legged on his couch with the door open.
“Suspect hit her on the head with a roll of paper towels.” Sticks and stones may break my bones, but…
“Caller said his ex-wife is trying to climb on him like a monkey.” What kind of monkey?
–A report that a man was talking on a cell phone while driving–called in, of course, by another guy driving and talking on a cell phone.