Sad Salad-Eating and Involuntary Roller-Coaster Rides
These titles just keep getting better, don’t they? “No one cares about your diet. Just eat your salad and be sad.”
But there was no sad salad-eating at McDonald’s today, where I encountered Tolerable Co-Workers Christine Cecelia (sp?) and Office Manager Nancy. I seldom eat with people other than Rom (who’s used to my eccentricities) or my in-laws (who are so busy talking they don’t notice), so I felt compelled to explain that I discard many of my french fries because they have pointy ends, which make them too crunchy, like potato chips, which I dislike. When I rule the world, I’ll pay someone to sort them out for me. (And you know I’ll be a benevolent ruler, because I’ll pay someone to do it, instead of just telling someone, “You’ll do it OR ELSE.”) And I made a big mess with my dip cone, but you can be assured that just because a shard of chocolate falls off and lands on my place mat does not mean it won’t end up in my mouth. “But you walk it all off anyway,” they said reassuringly, although I suspect my doctor won’t agree when I see him this week.
Before I forget–Chris pointed out that I never did say whether Suave Daily Clarifying Shampoo was cheaper at Dollar General or at Walgreen’s. The answer depends on what you mean by “cheap.” (“I mean not expensive,” I can hear Chris saying.) It is cheaper per ounce at DG, but they only have the large-size bottle at $1.75, while the smaller bottle at Walgreen’s only costs $1.
Nancy told a story about going to an amusement park and not realizing she was in line for a roller-coaster ride (and not the tamer ride right next to it) until she got right up to it, so she had to ride the roller-coaster anyway. This story intrigues me. Was there a sign that said, “No Mind-Changes Beyond This Point”? “Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter This Line”? Because, even if I couldn’t get my money back, it would take armed guards to get me to set foot on a roller coaster. As a headline the other day said, “Riding Zipline: an Adrenaline Junkie’s Dream.” I would say, “Riding Zipline: Welcome To My Nightmare.”
Speaking of headlines, here are a couple from today’s paper:
“Beating Autism Possible?” Um, I suspect beatings wouldn’t help.
“Facebook Helps Abuse Victims.” Hey, no fair!
Sign outside the Pet Food Center: “See Our Huge Stock of Hummingbird Supplies!” You know, hummingbird harnesses, toys, etc.
Notice to the unruly Facebook FanBase crowd: Calling me Muffet, with or without an honorific, will lead to reprisals.