World Leader Pretend: The Reign of Terror Begins
I’ve wanted to be a Criminal Mastermind ever since I was a kid. And now I have achieved it–I am Number One, and I have guys with guns I can send all over the city!
New rules at Dispatch will take effect when I get back from vacation May twenty-something (I can’t be bothered to get up and verify when I’m coming back), to give you a chance to prepare and adjust. (And I won’t be leaving for vacation for a week, so no grumbling.)
–No shoes that go flap-flap-flap as you walk down the hall.
–Mushrooms are gross, and not to be spoken of at any time. Onions are even more gross, and not even to be thought of. Baby corn may be deployed as necessary, but not allowed near the baby carrots. Peas are an abomination.
–Lights in the operations room are not to be as bright as an operating room under any circumstances. I am willing to be flexible on the issue of whether to turn them off (as I prefer), or just dim them.
–No air conditioning blowing on us in the winter! Unlike my other proposals, I suspect this one will win widespread support.
I plan to get into racketeering eventually, unless it involves making a racket, since noise is annoying.
Nick, I hereby offer you the position of Chief Evil Henchman and Commander of Jackbooted Thugs. Will you accept, or continue to be my nemesis? You have until whatever that vacation-end date in late May is (I’ll check and get back to you) to decide.
Isn’t this exciting? It’s like a novel or something!