Crisis in Progress: Stuff That Reminds Me of Other Stuff
Highlight call of my night: “A mule kicked down our fence and our mini horse got out.” A few minutes later: “The mule is trying to mount our horse! I’m afraid he’ll get her pregnant.” I was able to reassure her that mules cannot reproduce, however mightily they try. I’ve done this job for over a quarter century, and this is the first mule-related run I’ve encountered. It is not, however, the first large-animal sex story I’ve encountered. I’ll never forget the older lady who said, “A buck is trying to…have an affair with my concrete doe statue. Oh, I’m afraid he’ll hurt himself!” Let this be a lesson to you boys–never hump anything that’s harder than you are. And, while I’m in free-association land, I remember that when Dispatch was downtown, I got a call about the cement statue of Ronald McDonald getting stolen from the McDonald’s on 1st Avenue. “It isn’t funny!” the manager informed me huffily, as I lost my professional composure on the phone. Oh, but it was.